I can't afford to Surrender

I've been in this fight for almost 2 years, and choosing this over my hobbies was the most difficult thing I had ever made.

Whenever I'm at the lowest peak of my encounter with this, I always say I can't make a decision to continue this or to stop it, I can only rely on my effort.

Whenever I can't make a sound decision over something I just ask God that " THY WILL BE DONE." And the rest is History.

A year Ago

January 28, 2013

     I know, you can't barely remember what on earth is that something special on that date. Well, I guess, it's only me who knows. Yeah, 1 year ago, even though I don't wanted to send you a text message because I'm still too shy to approach you, thinking that we're not even friends and we didn't even talked to each other, I've got the courage to do so, just for the sake of our presentation. Didn't realizing that it would also be the start of history. 

     I'm really disappointed when I got my laptop's file corrupt, you know why? coz I have kept our conversations, oh scratch that, our late night conversations. The only way we've been friends was through the medium of text messaging. At first I really thought that it would only start a friendship. But too much for my surprise it had opened a door which has the ability to break the barrier I have established in me. 

     Really, talking to you in person, when I known I'm that playful in text was really awkward, I really don't know how to handle someone like you. You know what it has been a year ever since that door has been opened, and you really didn't fail to amaze me. I really can't figure out how amazing were you. I really can't read you. Unlike the other boys I deal with you're one heck of MYSTERY.

     Having my curiosity and interest being drawn into you on the start of my college years, I really didn't expect that it has been a year. I'm still amazed to my self that despite the fact that I know, I've got feelings for you,I can still talk to you like nothing did really happen.

     Hey Mr. You've got my mind! oh scratch that! You've got my heart! And still, I'm confused. I'm really that someone who hates people who leads me on and then they'll just leave me hanging. I'm not a laundry clothes in the first place.

     Wah! I really hate this feeling! You've turned me on! You've got an A on my check list. I really didn't expect that someone like you is really that sweet. At first, I was like, oh yeah, he must be like the other guy friends of mine.  But as time passed by, I have come to say, You're someone different from them. I can't read nor predict you. All my jokes, you seriously take it. All my comments and stuffs. I just don't know Why on earth would you take an effort?! We're not even that close before. We didn't even established a close friendship, when we've got there.

     Rationalizing everything that had happened, I had come to find out that it all started with curiosity and interest and it all ended up on a falling game. </3

Enough for this revelations! I'll be back soon!  With my true to life story titled: Good Bye Summer.

<3 

Something I Really Wanted to Tell HIM.

   

I'm the Kind of Girl.

   I'm the kind of girl who loves childish things. I love playing, collecting toys and even playing boy games. I'm the kind of girl who's possessive and really protective of what I owned. I'm the kind of girl who wants his attention only on me when we're together. I'm the kind of girl who waits for the guys first move. I wont dare initiate something. I'm the kind of girl who says " I HATE SURPRISES" but the truth is I love receiving surprises. 

   I'm the kind of girl who's very adventurous, I want to go on an amusement park on my first date and ride a roller coaster with that guy. And I wanna watch a HORROR movie on my second date and scream like there's no tomorrow, because I'm really not good at dealing horror movies.

   I'm the kind of girl who hates being lead on, and afterwards being left there clueless. I don't want you to give me motives, if you don't want to upgrade it to the next level. I hate being played on. I'm the kind of girl who wants everything be spilled of. I don't want someone who plays tricks and puzzles, If you really like me or something tell it straight to my face. I'm the kind of girl who would want someone straight forward.

   I'm the kind of girl who gets easily attached with someone. I'm the kind of girl who loves making friends. I'm the kind of girl who loves humor, I easily fall for a guy with a sense of humor. I'm the kind of girl who loves teasing games. I always want to start a conversation. I'm the kind of girl who loves playing dares, but when I say I want it challenging I want it to be involved with someone else. 

   I'm the kind of girl who's afraid to fall in love with a guy friend, simply because I value friendship that much, that I can't afford someone to leave me, I just hate being left out. I'm the kind of girl who needs assurance every now an then coz I believe nothing is constant in this world, and only a few people can keep promises. I'm the kind of girl who won't dare engaged in to a long distance relationship, because I hate that feeling that I'll forget on how to handle things with that person.

   I'm the kind of girl who loves to receive Good Morning and Good night messages, no matter what. I'm the kind of girl who hates being ignored by the one I put my time dealing with. I'm the kind of girl who hates being a second priority.

marjarianlovesLuhan